I'm back from New York. I've got lots of data to process. I'm glad it's done, and I'll give a full rundown in the next day or two.

Had some of my suspicions and worries confirmed. Had some set to rest. Keeping an open mind, but overall am pretty sure I'm not going to take that path, should it be offered. I have to weigh all my pros and cons, and see what they offer me (if anything) and go from there.

I had a pretty nice time, and got to see a new part of the country. Met some very nice people who clearly love what they do. An unexpected side effect was getting really grounded in my ideas of what I love, and also gaining a new sense of capability and competence.

This is really going to end up breaking my heart, and I'm afraid....

I need to do some writing today. Having a hard time getting started. I was supposed to have jury duty today, but was able to get another postponement. I've been sick off and on for the last week, and needed a bit of downtime to recover. Bun's got the same crud today, so there's been a lot of sleeping, eating soup, and general lounging today. But now I need to get to work. I have so much to do in the next few weeks and I know that if I don't get a jump on it, I'm going to be in a serious world of hurt.

The job search is in wait mode at the moment. I'm going to put some more applications in, but I know that several of the searches I'm really interested in will be putting out their shortlists in the next week or so. So there's a bit of waiting game going on now. Nothing else from the place I interviewed with on Friday, but they are on spring break so I don't expect to hear anything for a week or so after they return, to give the committee time to meet. I'm feeling fairly calm about the whole thing at the moment. I expect that will change several times over the next weeks, but as for now I'm feeling Ok. It will all somehow work out. I'll be glad when I get my employment settled so that I can put my energy into something else.

I have some time away coming soon, which will be welcome. I really need to get out of my regular life for a few days, just to recharge and get some perspective.

But now I have to get motivated to write about the cultural importance of The Feminine Mystique. In 850 words.

Seriously.

Went well. I still don't want the job, but I can say with confidence that I knocked the phone interview out of the park.

Here's what I learned....

5/5 teaching load. (This is basically a dealbreaker for me -- that's a brutal load with no time for writing or research)
Mandatory committee work and community service
Town of 15,000 people, mostly white, though they did make sure to tell me they have "lots of Wiccans"

The committee was very charming and nice. They were confused when I asked them what the usual career path for someone in the position I was interviewing for was. Turns out they have all worked there their entire careers -- one of them for 29 years.  They seemed confused by some of my questions, but did their best to ask them, and were very welcoming. They clearly love where they teach and what they do, and I have major respect for that.

I don't think this job is a fit. I'd be teaching Intro level classes, 2000 level at the most. And while I might get a crack at Comparative Religion, it's unlikely I'd get to do anything in my specialty. The teaching load is insane -- I know some places give new profs 5/5 as sort of trial by fire, but that load is standard for all profs at this place. And while I know I can't rely on an institution to support my research, it is important to me that I work in an environment that supports work/life balance and creates a space for research and scholarship. As they said, "[This school] is very focused on teaching" and that's not what I'm looking for.

I didn't ask about compensation, but I'm guessing it's within the $30-$35K range, which seems standard for this type of position.

I'm not as torn now as I was yesterday. Even without all the other factors, I don't think this is a fit, but I'd glad I went through the process.

Probably of very little interest to anyone outside of the area in question, so skip it if you wish...

( Houston, can you hear me? )

I ended up taking a mental health day from the job search today. Part of that was involuntary -- my laptop is sick and Vista won't boot out of crcdisk (whatever that is). I searched and apparently this is the side effect of an update Windows sent out -- something to do with USB ports, I don't know. It can't do a system restore nor boot up in Safe Mode. So I'm gonna have to reinstall Windows (XP if I can get ahold of a copy, I really hate Vista) which pisses me off. Most of my really important stuff is on the flash drive, so I won't lose much, but it's still a PITA. It's enough to make me consider switching to Mac out of spite next time I buy a laptop. Grrrrrr.

And on top of that, I just hit the wall. I'm tired, I'm stressed. I have had zero strong nibbles on the job front, and the mild nibble I had last week has so far not turned into anything. Now, spring breaks are happening at colleges around the country this week and next, so maybe the radio silence should be expected. But I still cannot believe that I am as good at my job as I am -- and I know that I am -- and no one seems willng to take a chance on me. It's really quite demoralizing. Add in the fact that my current job with The Boss is slowly eating my soul and my self-esteem, and it's not a fun time around here.

Speaking of The Boss, we sent the manuscript for the 1896 book off to the publishers yesterday. We have a little work left to do, but for all intents we are done. I basically came back to this job to finish the book with him, since I was the primary researcher on it from the beginning. He won't fire me or anything, but there likely won't be much work of substance for me to do unless he picks Mr. Blaine back up. I promised to stay until the book was done, and I've done that, but now I don't know what my next step will be.

I'm trying to remain positive, cheerful, and focused. I know everyone's having a hard time. I know I have Options. Bun and I spend a lot of time talking about Plan B these days, which involves relocating to a certain city on the Gulf Coast (or thereabouts). I don't want to get too attached to Plan B in case it's not what we go with. It also means admitting failure on the market yet again, unless one of the jobs I've put in for down there comes through (and none of them are teaching gigs). I tell myself that there are several community colleges where I could adjunct there, that there are three universities with good Soc programs, and I could go back and get the 18 grad hours of Sociology I need to be certified to teach. But the idea of going back to school after spending 10 years getting a PhD is depressing and daunting.

There has to be something out there for me. I'm a talented professor -- everyone that comes through my classroom says so. I'm a good researcher, and a good writer. I do excellent work.

So why won't anyone give me a second look?

I'm just not feeling the job search today. I was halfway through the electronic app for a staff position at UH, and just couldn't hang. (Don't worry, I saved it and will finish it later.) I'm so over looking for a job, but since I don't have one yet, that means I gotta keep up the search.  I'm just tired of putting all these little pieces of myself out in the Universe and not getting any results. Yes, I know this all takes time. And I'll be in better humor about it tomorrow. But for today? I'm fuckin' over it.

I did probably six job apps last week, and while I've gotten some EEOC forms back, so far that's it. I thought I had a nibble from one, but so far that hasn't really materialized into anything more concrete. I am tired of waiting. I am trying not to worry. Bun and I are hatching  a Plan B that would be workable, but the idea of having failed on the job market yet again is discouraging. The idea of taking a nonteaching job is also discouraging to some extent, but it is something I could do and do well. I cannot believe that I have a PhD, and I am as a good a professor as I am (and I know that I am) and no place so far has taken a chance on me. It just seems wrong.

I know I shouldn't get discouraged, and I know being negative about it is bringing negativity into the situation. I have to stay focused and positive and just keep baiting hooks and putting them in the water.

But today? I'm fuckin' over it.

I had planned to get up at 9:00 and hit the ground running this morning, but the body had other plans and so it was more like 9:45. I refuse to feel bad though -- Mondays truly kick my ass today, even great Mondays like yesterday was. And since I've been actually sleeping through the night these days, I'll take all the sleep I can get.

But I'm up now, I've had a lovely asiago bagel with spinach-artichoke cream cheese, and I've got a cup of coffee, and it's off to the races :)

Today is Job Application Day. I have about six or seven applications to get built and sent out. I spent some time with my sis on the phone last week -- she's a career coach -- and got some advice about how to apply for the nonteaching jobs I'm looking at. I've got a couple of teaching positions to apply for, too, plus whatever the job boards yield this morning.

I'm excited to get alot done today...yesterday and Sunday were both amazingly productive, and I like how that feels. I like crossing things off my to-do list and, more importantly, getting things off my conscience.

And getting these job apps out into the stream will vastly increase my chances of actually, you know, landing one of the jobs.

..this time of mixed nature.

Harvard says "no" to my fellowship application. It sounds like my proposal made it through several rounds of the selection process, so if I don't end up in something tenure-track I may resubmit next year with some tweaking. It's too bad, but that's a competitive fellowship, and that's just the way it goes.

Oberlin sent a nice "we got your stuff" letter with the Affirmative Action form. I don't read too much into this -- some places are required by state law to send you the EEOC form, other places only send them to people they want to explore further, and there's no way of telling what's true for a particular institution. So I'll fill it out and send it back and see what happens. It would be a cool job, not teaching but doing programming for the LGBT community on campus which would be rewarding in its own way.

Job boards bring several new opportunities, mostly at Women's Centers or in the women's programming/LGBTQ programming sphere. I'm thinking this might not be a bad deal for a couple years while I write, especially since the project I'm currently ruminating on has more to do with queer studies and less to do with paganism. Queer studies is a hot commodity right now and I have some good data and ideas that I think will have more intellectual currency than the pagan stuff. There are a couple teaching positions out there, as well, that are worth throwing my hat in for. It only costs the stamp or the time to email, so it's silly not to throw another hook in the water.

A couple of applied positions have also come through my Inbox, and I'm considering working in the nonprofit arena if the academia thing doesn't pan out right now, and if the right position comes along. I have two that are worth applying for so far.

Worst case, I can likely go to work for a publisher as an editor or proofer. Not a dream job, but the fact is that I am very good at working with texts, and I have lots of experience working with proofs and galleys from all these years with The Boss. So if I had to put my head down for a year or two and pick up the blue proofer's pencil, I would be fine. I can think of alot worse things, and if nothing else working in publishing would teach me a lot about the proces and keep a fire under me to publish my own work.

Waiting to hear back from journal about the article abstract I submitted. They sound interested, but I am sure they will have many submissions and they have to pick pieces that will work well together as a volume. I need to stay hands-off with the article until I hear -- it's standard to only submit to one journal at a time, and I don't want to spend a bunch of time working on the article only to have to go back and make changes for the journal that accepts it later. So I'm thinking of other projects.

I feel alternately sad and deflated and incredibly optimistic about the job search. Maybe it's too much King Cake for dessert at lunch today.

Just a little one, I promise. I'm just feeling the pressure today, partially because The Boss says the book is almost done, and thus my reason for coming back to work for him is winding down. He has told me that he will not be cutting me loose without income, but I know that my hours will at the very least be reduced. And I don't have  Plan B in place yet.

 ( Wherein our heroine has a freaklette )

...though not the kind I'd like to see.

Bowling Green State University says, "No, thanks."

I'm Ok -- it wasn't a dream job or a dream school. And at least now I know that committees are starting to make decisions, so I'll see letters and emails in the next weeks that will at least end waiting.

On to the next thing!

Coffee, PowerBar, Internet. So far so good. The obnoxious upstairs neighbors have apparently already started their Super Bowl party. Not so good. Ah well.

Got a little forward momentum last night and finished a couple job applications. Also went online and applied for three adminsitrative jobs, in the academic advising arena, with the local community college district. It feels a little like failure to think about going into something other than teaching, but I am also practical and realize that if I can get a job in programming or advising, and teach part time, this will give me valuable experience in academe while also providing a steady paycheck and time to write. I may not get called back for any of them, but it took almost no time to apply via the online system, and at least it's anothe baited hook in the water. I'm going to have to start seriously considering nonprofit work and other career paths if none of the academic jobs pan out this time around. I know I will eventually be professoring somewhere, it just may be in a year or two when I get my finances straightened out and more publications to my name. Right now, working three part time jobs does not leave me much time for my own scholarship.

So far this morning I've posted my materials for the week on my UoP class sites. I have some other things I need to post throughout the week, but we are required to post several things every Sunday -- Weekly Overview for the coming week, Wrap Up for the last week, Discussion Question threads. So that's done. I have papers coming in today that need to be graded by next Sunday, so later today I'll likely check to see what's already in my digitial dropbox and get a jump on the grading.

I also have part of a leg of lamb I need to cut up for my lamb and lentil stew, which I am making for Brighid's Day today. As soon as Bun gets her Sims fix in and can come help me chop veggies, I'll get onto that.

Later today I'll have to sit down with calendars and such and make the To Do List of Doom for the coming week. I'm trying to get everything possible crossed off the exisitng one first. I hate carrying stuff over week to week if I don't have to.

I think there'll be a run in the park this afternoon as well, if the temperature goes to where the local news says it will. All the ice last week kept us mostly homebound -- which is funny to me, being from icy climes originally -- and it will be good to get back out in the sun. Failing that, the treadmill and yoga mat call.

But all that will wait until I have another cup of coffee..

I've been working through the to-do list of doom, helped along with three consecutive days off of work. I still have any number of things to do, however, and I won't even think about the new list I need to make for this coming week. I'd really like to get through as much of the old stuff before I start thinking about new tasks.

I really need to be working on either an article or some job applications tonight, but I just can't seem to get any forward momentum going. Got up this morning and did my required grading for my UoP class, which was nice. I'm on top of the grading (which has a 48 hour turnaround) thus far, which is a marked improvement from my mentorship..I did all the grading in about an hour, which is also an improvement. I'm hoping it continues to go as fast.

After grading was done, it was errand time. Ran out to Target and then to Lane Bryant for an interview suit. I don't have any interviews lined up as yet, but I'm hoping that having the suit ready and waiting will bring some of that energy. I still need a blouse and shoes, and will get my hair cut Thursday. Pictures will follow, as soon as the whole outfit is ready. I got some things ready to go into the mailbox, and have a few more that I'll pack up tonight too.

Yet I can't settle down to writing. Not even my reviews for 50bookchallenge which I need to get up before I lose count. (Seven books so far in 2009, for those keeping count for some bizarre reason.) But my Muse, she is silent tonight. Perhaps a cup of tea and some dinner will spark her awake.

I need to do these job applications. I just think I'm a bit burned out -- tired of putting all these little pieces of myself into envelopes and either getting rejected or, worse still, waiting and waiting. I'm thinking that hiring committees will start making decisions in the next couple of weeks, which means that I'll at least have closure on a number of the searches I have out there in the wind. I know I need to keep pounding the pavement (metaphorically) but I am continually suprised at how exhausting job searches are. I think some of it is peculiar to the academic market and the totally fucked up way we do things, but I imagine some of it is just job searching in a down economy. I'm trying to keep positive yet I also know that I have limited time to come with a Plan B should my academic search come up empty this year.

And why I'm nattering about it on my LJ instead of taking action to do something about any one of the things I could be taking action on? That's anyone's guess. 

....though we did not get snow :(

First, thanks to jerosejr for the paid account and icon time! This has made my holiday season! *massive hugs*

BunBun is studying for her finals and doing her Latin translation in the bedroom, so it looks like I'll have at least an hour more of quality time uninterrupted in the office nook. I've done my UoP posts for the night, applied for a fellowship at Bryn Mawr, and taken a preliminary look at the rest of my job materials. This meant realizing I'd missed a couple deadlines, which is sad, but I'm moving on. I was just too overwhelmed and disorganized this fall, and if learning that lesson means missing out on a couple of opportunities, well, then that's why they call it a learning experience. I'm going to bang out a couple more cover letters before I crash for the night, so I can print them off on the good printer at work tomorrow and get them in the mail.

Why the push? Well, academia being what it is, the entire world is basically going to grind to a halt for two to three weeks, starting at 5pm next Friday. So anything that has to be received by January 1, I need to get moving now. I have a little leeway in there to do some of my work over the break, but I'd really rather it be out of my hands before every campus in the nation shuts down next week. I know nothing, or at least almost nothing, will move on the job search in that time. So I'd like to have my part of it done, so I can also move on to other things like finishing my book proposal and getting it in the mail, submitting a couple articles, and catching up on the encyclopedia entries I'm supposed to be writing. It will be nice not to think, breathe, and live job search for a few days. Though if I know me, I'll still be stressing a little bit.

Didn't get the new soaps up on the site tonight, that has to be priority this weekend if not before. Fortunately, things ship fast and cheap so I can take orders up through next week and still be able to get things to people in time for the holiday. I feel like I should have done more with the site this holiday, but I also know that searching for a Real Job (tm) had to be priority. *sigh* Y'all just wait until I'm a full time prof with more free time...:)

I also need to start on my cards and things for holiday_wishes , as I have quite the list. Perhaps I'll do some of those and then hit that fellowship application for Cornell...

October 15 is my first major job/fellowship application deadline. Eep. I guess I know what I'm doing with any "spare time" I can wring out of the next four or five days!

Eep. I'm going to send out my first article for consideration by a peer-reviewed journal this week. I should have been doing this for at least a year now, but there you go. I'm revising a conference paper that I was pretty proud of, so I feel pretty good that someone will take it. Now I just have to stop fiddling with it once I get the new information and data integrated and get it proofed, and just get the damn thing in the mail. I hate that I can't email it in, but I guess is this part of the process, eh?

It's all part of the bigger process of trying to get my career back on track.

( In which our heroine navel gazes )

Passed my UoP training. Now I'm waiting for my new hire documents to show up so I can get on payroll. I'll be in a mentorship, where I'll teach two classes simulateously with a faculty mentor to supervise and give feedback. It's paid. So even if I don't get hired on permanent after the mentorship, this is a good chance to make up some lost financial ground as well as get online teaching experience.