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LJ Idol: Heel Turn

When it's time, you'll know.

I know that sounds cliche, but you will.

There's no magick line in the sand, no definitive sign that it's time. It's different for everyone. But everyone hits their point of enough, and you'll know when you've hit yours. You'll know in the pit of your belly, in the darkest and most secret corners of your heart, with every fiber of your being down to your finger and toe nails. Every piece of you will know that it's time, and you won't even stop to question it.

It will surprise you. I know it did me. You will be shocked at the absolute clarity the today's the day. It will shock you with its simplicity. It might not even be something that, objectively, is that big of a deal. In the days and weeks to come, you might find yourself wondering what that, of all things, is what did it. Why, after everything else you'd endured, is that what finally caused something inside you to break?

Afer all, you'd steeled yourself against countless blows (not always physical). You'd been called nasty names and everything but a child of God so often that you wondered if it'd be best to start answering to them, to give up your own name as you'd given up so many other parts of yourself in an effort to stay safe, stay off the radar, to accommodate. You'd been told you were crazy, or overreacting, or exaggerating so many times that your own sanity was always in question -- maybe it was all in your imagination, after all? You'd shrunk so far into yourself, trying to hold on to one tiny part of yourself that was real, that was true. You'd learned how to survive.

So if you had survived all that, could survive all that, why will it be such a seemingly minor thing that cracks the world open?

Or maybe it will be like it was for me, a moment so stark and so terrifying that I couldn't keep lying to myself. A moment in which he did something so fucked up that even I could see it, beyond all the gaslight fog.

I'm just saying that, you'll know.

And in that moment, you'll do a heel turn. You'll turn your back and walk away, and you'll do it without looking back. All those things that held you there for so long, they won't matter anymore. You will pull yourself deep into yourself, you will take a deep breath, and you will turn. And you will walk. And you will keep on walking.

When it's time, you'll know.

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Comments

( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
ellison
Jan. 22nd, 2017 05:22 am (UTC)
Wow this is powerful!
costumenut
Jan. 22nd, 2017 02:48 pm (UTC)
This is really powerful.
rayaso
Jan. 23rd, 2017 01:21 am (UTC)
Unfortunately, for some, the line never gets crossed and you are never able to walk away. This was a really good use of the topic!
uselesstinrelic
Jan. 23rd, 2017 10:36 am (UTC)
A horrible situation that's all too familiar to far too many. This was a good contribution, thanks for sharing.
penpusher
Jan. 24th, 2017 02:57 pm (UTC)
"The Straw That Broke The Camel's Back" is the phrase. The last little thing that seems insignificant but crosses that line between okay and unacceptable. Good piece!
m_malcontent
Jan. 24th, 2017 05:35 pm (UTC)
Love this
ryl
Jan. 24th, 2017 08:38 pm (UTC)
This is so true. When that moment of clarity hits everything falls into place. Finding the courage to act on it, sometimes that takes a little more but at least then you know.
eternal_ot
Jan. 25th, 2017 12:57 pm (UTC)
Kudos! Loved it.
bleodswean
Jan. 25th, 2017 04:22 pm (UTC)
Really strong response to the prompt. You conveyed your message here LOUD AND CLEAR!
bewize
Jan. 26th, 2017 09:31 pm (UTC)
It's awful hoping that someone survives that moment that they know, but all too often, that's what you're praying for.

I'm glad you reached your moment and never looked back.
alycewilson
Jan. 26th, 2017 10:24 pm (UTC)
Very empowering.
dmousey
Jan. 27th, 2017 01:04 am (UTC)
Truth! Hugs and peace~~~
halfshellvenus
Jan. 27th, 2017 06:20 am (UTC)
I truly hope that, in telling stories like this, it helps more people arrive sooner at that moment where they know they have finally had enough and walk away.
my_name_is_jenn
Jan. 27th, 2017 01:35 pm (UTC)
It's powerful, when that force of realization suddenly hits you.

This was very well done.
n3m3sis43
Jan. 27th, 2017 06:10 pm (UTC)
This piece radiates truth and power. <3
devilz_workshop
Jan. 27th, 2017 10:03 pm (UTC)
Amazingly well written.
dee_aar2
Jan. 28th, 2017 02:07 am (UTC)
Push has to come to shove for many. Endurance just strengthens for them. But I suppose people have to read such experiences and know and understand that life can take a turn ... when u know and u decide.
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )

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