I'm trying to find my strength, but no matter how hard I dig, I don't seem to be able to.

I know I am better off. I know that I do not need to be with someone who refers to me as pathetic, a failure, unambitious, trashy, weak. I do not need to be with anyone who tells me that a "person like me" can't fit into the cosmopolitan, wealthy life she wants. I do not need to be with someone who belittles my spirituality and lists my failures. I do not need to be with someone who refuses to contribute financially and then also breaks up with me because I can't keep a house that looks like Dwell magazine while also working multiple jobs.

I know this is for the best.

Someone just needs to tell what's left of my heart.

...and it may seem petty and small, but I need to do it, and in a public way. Feel free to add as you see fit!

Postive Things About Bun Leaving Me

For the first time in my life, I have my own apartment
For the first time in my adult life, I have complete control over my own finances
I can dress as I like and not be called "dykey" or "trashy"
I can have whatever I want in the fridge, freezer, and pantry -- even if it's three varieties of Ben and Jerrys'
I can see who I want, when I want
Bed all to myself!
As long as I pay my bills, I can spend my money on whatever makes me happy (goes along with #2)
I can relocate anywhere I have an opportunity -- Houston, across town, Timbuktu, doesn't matter!
When I'm ready, I can DATE! (Don't worry, not for a while!)
I can watch all day marathons of Clean House and whatever else I want (as soon as I replace the TV that is)
I can listen to whatever weird music I want, as loud as I want, as long as I don't disturb the neighbors
Sir Boo Boo won't have anyone calling him names anymore
I can decorate my apartment any way that I want
I can do ritual in the middle of my living room whenever I want
No daily litany of my personal failings!
I can cook whatever I want
I can explore vegetarianism if I want
I can go see bands, movies, etc. that I want to see
I can keep my own schedule

I'll be adding as I think of things. I need this. Like I said, add as you see fit.

Anyone got a TV I can borrow for a few weeks? The one in the house belongs to Bun and she will take it when she clears out her stuff on Saturday. (I have made arrangements to NOT be in the house while she does this.) I will be able to purchase my own in a couple of weeks. Nothing fancy, and I have cable so the digital transition is not a problem. (My cable is rolled into my rent, and I don't have an option to opt out, so it is literally wasting $40 a month for me not to have a TV, otherwise I would not worry about it.) If you have one your'e wanting to sell cheap, let me know.